So it’s was my second date tonight. I went out with O. O is 25, works in marketing, he enjoys sporting events, likes to drink wine with friends and entertain friends at his apartment… That’s what they said in their description. Brown hair brown eyes, that was pretty much the only accurate part of their description. Let’s start from the beginning…

I was the first to arrive again. I beginning to feel thirsty, but I we less than 10 minutes early so I don’t feel too bad. I ordered my drink and positioned myself so that I could see the street through the window and the entrance through the bar mirror at the same time. My drink was just arriving when I say a brown haired brown eyed white guy rounding the bend. I knew instantly it was him but I didn’t turn around. I scanned him through the mirror. Thin lips, thin nose and a jutted out chin. Not my version of attractive but not hideous. He didn’t bother to dress for the occasion, he wore jeans and didn’t bother to dress for the occasion. I reminded myself that I am opening myself to new opportunities and I am not here to judge. So I watch as he checks in with the hostess, confirming his identity. She points in my direction, there was some whispering between the two, probably him asking which one I was. He looks at the two blondes sitting a couple seats away. She points again. He looks at three brunettes across the bar from me. Finally she just walks up to me and taps me on the shoulder…They obviously didn’t tell him I was black. I’ll go into my rant about that later.

Anyway we shake hands and he sits beside me at the bar and orders a beer. I ask if he wants to grab a table he says no the bar is fine. We aren’t staying for dinner that much is clear. Instantly I am glad I gave in and ordered food before getting dressed. Instantly I’m regret the fact that it was Chinese. I’m fine at the moment but I will be hungry again. The bar tender asks if we would like to order dinner, I didn’t even have time to open my mouth, an instantaneous “no” followed by a “I mean if that’s okay with you, I had a large lunch.” Its fine with me, his nervous mannerism is making me uncomfortable.

We made small talk while we finished our drinks. I stopped being lady like at the end and just gulped the last of my martini. I just wanted to be done. Here’s what I learned…He asked a few polite questions in the beginning but became fascinated by the poker game on television. When I asked if he played poker, I mean he couldn’t take his eyes off the screen, he answered no he’d never played. So anyways I learned that he grew up in a small town about an hour and a half from the capital. He came to this city for college and never left. He works in marketing, meaning he makes pens and caps for franchises. He likes his job because no one bothers him. He doesn’t like sports that much even though he went to a fan fanatic school. I knew more about hockey than he did. He likes beer not wine. He’s not ready to settle down. He literally has left the state about three times in his life. And he isn’t bothered by that, he may want to visit some islands and definitely Ireland because they drink a lot of beer. He’d have to get used to the cultural differences considering they drink there beer room temperature. He wants a dog one day.
By then he finished his beer and had to go so he could take his brother to the airport! We got separate checks and he left me at the valet stand, didn’t bother to wait for me to get my car. Well don’t I feel like every awkward date cliche in the book. I only partially blame him and almost not at all because he tried to be polite… Well at least not openly offending, but he’d checked out the moment he saw me. I arrived at 7:08, our date was scheduled for 7:15, by 8:10 I’d retrieved my car from valet and was at the ice cream shop a mile away, where I sit writing…

Now here is the rant…

First, let me state that I am not the gal who yells prejudice or racism any time a white guy doesn’t pay attention to me. I personally think that if I am going to spend any significant time in my personal life with someone I don’t have to be politically correct. I do think that by dancing around the subject of race… This is me giving them the benefit of the doubt. But really I think they were just trying to feel their quota of dates for me. I say me because he’d on I think four dates and we started around the same time. O is my second…

Anyway, I think that by avoiding clarification on his desired race they put both of us in an awkward situation. Me more so than anyone because I had to look at the expression of mortification that was supposed to be behind my back. But also him because… Well I’m sure it was uncomfortable for him but I’m having hard time feeling for him right now.

I’m furious because when I first started the owner said:

If I don’t think I have guys for you I won’t take your business.

She also told me she had several guys in mind but besides L, I can’t Imagine what is going through her head. First there was L, we weren’t a match but I could see how we MAYBE had things in common on paper. Then there was a man who I turned down. We didn’t appear to have anything in common and he was 15 years my senior. Now I’ve listed in another post about how broad I made my specifications as far as physical features. So it aggravates me when they don’t stick to them. Insult to injury is when there is nothing in common as far as listed personality traits or desired traits in your match. I think the worst part is when the coordinator tried to make me feel bad about turning down the date. I told her I left certain characteristics broad for a reason. For instance I am open to 10 years older than me. L was 11 years my senior, I let that slide. Fifteen years is pushing it. I told her I want something in common with these guys, I’m not asking for an instant love connection but I am interested in something serious. I have no interest in someone who could theoretically be my father. To this the coordinator replies snippety-like,

Well, its only 15 years, so he definitely couldn’t be your father.

Uh, perhaps you don’t watch the news but 15 years old is old enough to sire a child.

By the way the only reason I was matched with him was after 2 weeks of waiting after the first date I called and inquired about what exactly is involved in their “matching process” that it takes 2 weeks especially when the owner had “several guys” in mind. Of course when I called she was “just looking at my file” and up popped granddad for a date.

Now with this guy, O, I specifically asked two questions:
1) Is he interested in something serious?
2) Is he okay with dating an African American?

To both questions an emphatic yes. So now I have to tell them how I feel they are dishonest and what a humiliating position they put me in. I bet you ten bucks she will get an attitude…

Stay tuned!


{February 24, 2012}   It’s Just Lunch… Or is it?

It’s Just Lunch – Described as a the #1 matchmaking service for busy professionals. I didn’t find this on Groupon or Living Social, but I thought I would write about it, just in case they run specials in various areas. The service is a national franchise, each independently owned, so each runs slightly different. I went to one in a major Midwest city and met with the director. She’s a fast talker who specializes in hard sells, so have your wallet ready. I had been contemplating trying the service for almost two years so my informational meeting quickly turned into me signing up for the service…What can I say, I liked the director.

I would say that I started off pretty optimistic. I wasn’t looking for miracles, but I knew that I needed to get out of my circle (professional school and work – both pretty competitive, so not exactly the place to flirt because I AM going to win, and men have fragile egos)  if I were to find quality dates. And because I am more family minded I didn’t want to just date for the sake of dating. Now don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying being single and I know that now is the time to live my adventures. But I have never been a one night stand, casual dating type of gal, so I would just as soon avoid that situation all together. Thus, I went in with an open-mind and pretty broad requirements. No race was excluded, my height requirement was lowered, and my age limit was expanded to 10 years older than myself.

My first date occurred at the end of January. We shall call him “L.” He was nice enough. He was late, not a huge pet peeve for me because I am constantly late myself, I just wasn’t as late as he was 🙂 What immediately irked me is, one I could tell he was the proper type, so I think it bothered him that I had ordered a drink while waiting for him. In my defense he was 20 minutes late. While waiting I had time to go freshen my makeup, have photo shoot in the bathroom mirror for the edification of my mother and sister, have a phone conversation, AND strike up a conversation with the bar tender. He made me a special martini with lavender. So yes, I ordered a drink while waiting and it was good.

Then we started talking, he was polite and immediately asked to pay for dinner. I appreciated that, I’m originally from the South with southern values, I like chivalry. He talked a lot about himself, but he might have just been filling silence, we were both nervous. I actually was pleased with the date. It wasn’t the best ever, but I left thinking that maybe if we had a second date we would have fun. My only real qualm was when he sort of dissed America. He’s French, so we were talking food and wine and he went on to say that Americans don’t know what good food is. I generally can agree what with the rise of fast food and the need for quick service. yet, he kept going Americans this, Americans that. Now I actually am quick to throw my two cents in about the American culture… It’s actually what I do research on in graduate school (well subcultures anyway). However, I do get a little patriotic when I meet someone who says they plan to live in America forever, yet have nothing good to say about it. I kept thinking, if France is so great, from their economy, to their health care, to their family values, then why are you here? It came of as pompous, he has the perfect friends, house, life, and he is better than most because he considers himself cultured. I also thought he took himself a little seriously, every joke fell flat and all he wanted to discuss was politics and economics. I kind of felt like I was being tested, like prove how smart you are to me. After a time I just let him talk and finished my drink. Despite all of this, it seemed like a congenial date and I let him have my number. I gave him a call once, but he didn’t respond so I guess I wasn’t the one.

The frustrating thing is that the coordinator’s ask for feedback, but there is no direction. They literally say, “so what’s your feedback…” When you ask specifically what they want to know they say, “just tell me what your feedback is.” It reminds me of researcher who has a scripted phone survey. If you ask them anything they just repeat the question on the script. For instance, they ALWAYS say something along the lines of “we will put you through our matching process…” If you ask for more details they can’t tell you. Not like they can’t because its private, like there is a lot of stumbling and ums and no real answer. Anyway, so I gave my feedback of L. I said he took himself too seriously, I left out my irkdome (yes I made that word up) about his American comments. I said he was a gentleman which he was, but I also said I didn’t feel any immediate spark. On to the next one…

So I like so many others have, for some time now, become ensnared in these online discount sites. Mostly I think it is a guilt-less way to spend money that I really shouldn’t spend. Afterall whatever the purchase of the day is I paid 50% or less. That’s a great deal! Never mind the fact that I would have never thought to buy a Rabbit wine bottle opener in the first place, nor would it have crossed my mind to spend a weekend on a West Virginian farm for 2 nights and 3 days. In the words of Richard Fish from Ally McBeal… Bygones. The point is I, like many others, pat myself on the back every time I blow my budget at 50% off.

One nice thing about these sites is that they allow me to try things I probably wouldn’t have tried. For me, it’s mostly services and some restaurants, but I am expanding . I add there is triple satisfaction when I spend on something I would have bought anyways. With that being said, I thought I would track my deals and how I felt about the product, service, and/or company… I was going to list them below, but I think that each deserves their own post, in the spirit of thoroughness. So stay tuned.

{February 23, 2012}   Road Trip!!!!

So I have finished the 2nd of my 3 degree plan… as in Bachelor’s, Advanced Degree, even more Advanced Degree. I feel like for the last 10 years I have been in school, because I have. I also feel like life is passing me by and all of my aspirations are falling to the wayside of the straight and narrow path. What to do? I don’t know yet, but I don’t want to sit and pout so I’ve decided to drive and ponder. I am going to drive like I have never driven before! I’m a road trip gal, so I’ve decided to pick 3 weekends to do road trips. I know for sure that I’ve always wanted to visit the “Black Towns” of America.  In the 19th Century there was an insurgence of Black-run towns across America, they had their own government and wealth. Many were destroyed by larger, wealthier White cities, some were destroyed by angry mobs jealous of their wealth. As a child getting your tiny bit of Black history during February you are mostly taught of the distress of being Black in American. No one ever talks about how Blacks rose up and created their own sub-culture within a culture that would not let them fully participate. Upon learning about these settlements and towns, I wanted to see them before any trace is destroyed. So that is my major road trip.  A smaller one will be to go see the Gullah Islands. I’ve also been fascinated by this tiny sub-culture that very few know anything about beyond an early 1990’s cartoon. I’ve seen artwork from the region and I know my family hails from that area, so I think that would be an interesting little trip. A more business than pleasure trip will be my trip to D.C. for a convention, but I hope to stop in Philadelphia along the way. I’ve been there once, but didn’t have time to really explore so I hope to see as many historical sites (free sites… I am $adity ¢ents) as possible. I let you know as plans develop.

{February 14, 2012}   Update 2

Oh I forgot, the real reason I started posting in the first place. Once this convention is over I have three more major things to achieve. 1) My thesis 2) The Bar 3) Find a job… oh and 4) Move to a new state.

Anyway, I am planning for a resurrection in August. The other day I was thinking of simple things I wish I still did and among them was writing i.e. my blog and reading… NOT case law. I was also organizing my second bedroom at 2:00 am because I promised a girl she could stay with me during the convention (what can I say, I’m a Yes woman). While cleaning and organizing I decided that I have collected a ton of books since being in graduate and professional school. I have a compulsion with $1 or $2 books, I feel obligated to buy them and if it is free… GOD help me. Anyway, I would like to read ALL of my non-textbooks. Fiction and non-fiction alike. My goal is to do a series on the blog and read each one and critique them. It should be interesting because I often pick books based on the price tag. It ensures I don’t go from being Sadity Cents to just sad and destitute, plus it usually ensures some form of variety. So I am excited, because while I have gained a great deal of knowledge over the past few years, my world view actually feels like it has diminished. I only have time to read for school and almost always interact with academics or professionals and they are very like-minded, though they swear otherwise. So yes, I cannot wait until my first installment. Until then (well I hope not that long)…


{February 14, 2012}   Update

I’ve had so much going on in the past few months.

1) I graduated early from law school!!! Yeah! So does this mean I get to take the bar early? Nope… because…

2) I am on the board of a large organization and have been planning a convention, which begins tonight. I have mixed feelings about my time on the board this year and I think it will be awhile before I serve in a similar capacity. What I have learned is that a) everyone’s a critic – I don’t need that because I am my own worse critic. b) At the end of the day people look out for themselves. I realize that I can be such a people pleaser that I often forgo what is best for me, yet I have NEVER felt like the sacrifice is worth it the end. I guess, I am looking for acknowledgement of my work and the truth is, it rarely genuinely happens. Lesson learned? It sounds selfish but I need to look out for me. I am of no use to others when I am miserable… I guess my feelings aren’t that mixed after all. I will say that I enjoyed the comradeship, but when I was left hanging and took the blame for another’s failures I realized I was the only one who thought the friendships were genuine. Maybe its the military brat in me or, more likely, the nerdy little girl still stuck inside, but I am always trying to establish genuine friendships. The bosom buddy friendships occur once in a lifetime if that. I’m good with acquaintances, in fact almost everyone who calls themselves my friend, I would call an acquaintance. The blow happens when I develop any time fealty towards someone and think they have that kind of loyalty towards me. Otherwise on a normal basis acts of treachery disturbingly don’t bother me, because I assume most people are out for themselves and I think that is okay. I just need to be better prepared and I need to not take alliances at face value, especially in my career. I may need to make a rule about no more work friendships. There is just no such thing.

3) I am “working” on my thesis… the above situation has also sidelined that.

4) I have a job, but I am not stellar at it right now. Which sucks because it takes almost no actual brainpower, its more of a job where they want you to look like your busy and I want to not waste my time. So they get aggravated when I work on convention stuff or thesis stuff, which is completely understandable. But I get aggravated because I finished the excel sheet assignment an hour ago and I don’t think I should have to pretend to still be working on it when I could use the down time to work on something more pertinent. However, considering I shot myself in the foot by not taking the bar early, I need this job so fake it I shall do.

Point of the story… the month of February has been my purgatory and I am getting what I deserve because I should have looked out for me, everyone else would have and has done so. When I graduated I should have quit the position, I should have left them hanging. Not out of meanness but because the organization is no longer beneficial to me. However, I did not because I wanted to be a person of my word. I wanted finish what I started. I didn’t want to leave others who were “relying” (I think they would have managed without me) on me in the lurch. I didn’t want to tarnish my reputation. They really have no real power to do so, but like I said I like being seen as reliable. Honestly working with some of the people and their own disorganization is probably doing more harm than me walking out on them… I’ll save it for another post, but I think the irony is, I’m pretty sure that I am not seen as reliable anyways. I have so much going on and people are used to me being like a bottomless pit. They can just pile it on and I keep producing. Whether they need work done or my time, I’m pretty much always saying yes. But now if I say yes, the turn around is slower or quality diminished because I am overloaded. If I say no, people are pissed because they are not used to hearing “no.” Like I said, I like being valued as reliable and the go-to gal… What can I say I had a very old fashion upbringing. This is another post but one day I will talk about how an old fashion upbringing hinders modern day success.

I’m rambling, so I’m going to end this post. I just wanted you to know why I don’t post more often. It’s on my list of things to do…

{February 9, 2012}   Misfits – end of Series 3

I watched the last episode of Misfits series 3 last night. I could tell Howard Overman wrote it without ever looking at the credits. He has writing style that entertains me at a visceral level. With him I laugh out loud, while the other writers typically produce an eyebrow raise in acknowledgement of their comedic efforts, sometimes they conjure a chuckle or two. But Howard, I feel close to his characters so we might as well be on a first name basis, he really is genius. It makes me sad that Antonia (Thomas – she’s the homey too. LOL) won’t be returning. I think she is smart though. You can tell that she had serious concerns about being type cast in a sexualized role. The last season, as a viewer, I felt that I could tell her heart wasn’t in it. I just hope it doesn’t backfire. It must have been very hard to stand up for herself so early in her career. Rheon (his first name is Iwan, but I like his last name better), I think he was smart, while he too is leaving the show, he is able to embrace the sensualization of his character, Simon. Rheon, is going to ride out the sexualization of his character… using it as platform for his music. My how things are different for men and women. I’m not sure Rheon’s route is a possibility for Antonia. She was recently in a Cold Play video playing a character not-unlike her Misfits character, but more importantly, playing the “pretty”girl. As woman, I think it will be harder for people to get past her beauty and the sensuality of her Misfits character. I think her next few role offers will be filled with unnecessary nudity and sex that have nothing to do with the storyline.*People don’t get the artistic nature of sex in film history, especially in the day and age. They see a pretty girl and they just want to see her naked. Thus, many pubescent-like writers and directors will offer her parts with no thought nor direction for the sexualized role just the goal of stick it in (no pun intended) where ever it will fit.


* I don’t feel that way about her character on Misfits. Beyond the obvious reason for her sensuality, considering that her characters power was turning people into lustful fiends at her touch, there was a consistency and art to the sex scenes in Misfits. However… (return to original paragraph)

et cetera